It’s true when you receive a cancer diagnosis; you realize a few things. When you taste the concept of death, daily, you live differently. The shift starts because a doctor says your dying, which sounds like a count down. So why waste time doing anything you don’t want to? But why not do that before the cancer diagnosis, because you weren’t dying? Why wait until the diagnosis. Because there was no count down? Cancer kind of becomes this excuse to drop everything that isn’t serving you and focus on what matters most to you. It becomes a balance of risk vs reward.
A weird thing starts happening when you’re given a life-altering diagnosis. People start asking questions like “now that you’re going through this, what would you tell people.” Like once you get cancer, some little angel comes down and tells you this magic secret. Well, let me be the first to tell you it’s no secret. We all already know it. It’s not until someone tells you you have two years to live that you start paying attention. It’s not until someone points out you’re clock is ticking that you believe “the secret.” People are always asking me now, “what would you tell someone,” or “what have you learned since being diagnosed.” Most of us just need some life defying moment to realize how precious life is, to wake up, and prioritize what actually brings us joy.
See, before cancer (B.C.), I prioritized my job title and how much money I wanted to make—working 3-4 different jobs at a time to fulfill a certain persona. Now after a cancer diagnosis (A.C.) I prioritize my health, time with family & friends, traveling, and nature. My “work” turned into helping others, and no one pays me to do it. Crazy how things can shift so drastically in a matter of 12 months.
Well, so what’s the big secret?
Here it is: To actually live your life. Do what makes you happy. Have faith that what is meant for you will find you.
People wait until their diagnosed or have a near-death experience, and then they finally quit that job, travel, divorce that person, or buy that jeep. But that’s it, that’s the secret. My advice; don’t wait for the cancer diagnosis or until you get hit by a car to start living. I did, I learned the hard way but thankfully I was only 25 when I got my wake up call. Most people are much older, but it’s never too late to start truly living. Like that cheesy line goes, “Live like you’re dying.” It has some truth, after all.
Let me give you an example of how precious life can be and why you should start living right now. True story. In October 2019, I went to the hospital to get my routine treatment. I wasn’t on any chemo at the time because my doctor declared me cancer-free a few months earlier after 6 rounds of the hardcore chemo. While I was doing chemo, I lived life like I was dying, like these could be my last months or days. I was doing what I wanted when I wanted around my chemo schedule every three weeks. Traveling, visiting friends, doing whatever to keep my mind off cancer. You can’t take money with you when you go. Then I was deemed cancer-free, and life got weird. Do I go back to work? What do I do? Life was fun traveling around and doing what I wanted when I wanted, but it lacked purpose. I felt guilty and like I needed to get back to work. So I tried. I got a place back in Nashville to get back to real estate, meal prepping, and teaching yoga. But I was terrified that the stress that I felt when I was first diagnosed would come back, and so would my cancer. So I spent most days eating my feelings, feeling guilty for being alive, and trying to figure out what to do with my life. From August to October, I struggled with survivors’ guilt. Then around September, I started noticing a lump in my right breast. When I went in to see my oncologist PA, she gave me an exam, told me my markers were down, and what I was feeling was my new normal. Three weeks later, when I came again, my breast was red, and the lump was still there. So they sent me down for a biopsy. Same as last time, the doctor doing my biopsy prepped me for breast cancer. I knew it was back. No one knew I went to get a biopsy that day. They just thought I was doing my continued gene-targeted therapy treatment. I wasn’t going to tell anyone it was back. I was embarrassed, scared, a million things were running through my mind. Later that day, as I’m buying my weight in ice cream to eat my feelings at Whole Foods, I get a call from my dad’s girlfriend as I’m checking out. My dad had been hit by a car while he was walking out of a kitchen shop and was in the hospital. The driver veered off the road and clipped his elbow from behind and sent him flying. He didn’t even see it coming. He was alive but a mess. I was probably getting my biopsy at the same time my dad got hit. What’re the odds.
That’s how precious life is. You just never know. But my dad didn’t get a diagnosis and a count down to start living. He just got hit. He didn’t get the six months of chemo to start living or a prognosis timeline. That could have been the end. Luckily he just needed a plate in his arm, a few screws, and a few months of rest and rehab and is now back to living his life. But some people aren’t that lucky.
So what’s the secret everyones asking me for? It’s no secret. We all know it. Start living. Stop caring what other people think. Take the trip. Be. Do what makes you happy. Do what YOU want to do. Don’t live for a paycheck. Do what makes YOU happy. I promise once you start following that path, life becomes easy and falls into place. The equation shouldn’t be “I was diagnosed with XYZ, so I started living.” It should be “I am living; therefore, I do XYZ.” You never know when you’ll get a cancer diagnosis or hit by a car.
Chadwick Boseman says it best, as does my cancer friend who posted this video https://www.instagram.com/tv/CEeu48uAzOW/?igshid=zb8jtm3w8pej.
If you still need some advice, here’s some from a 27-year-old girl who died from cancer. This letter gets me every time I read it. https://www.upworthy.com/life-advice-from-cancer-victim
The secret to life. To live.
- E