Self-efficacy.

Do things just happen to you? Are you influenced by outside circumstances that you have no control over? Or are you making decisions about your life and guiding your life events? Do you have control of how your life moves, or do you just let it play out? Recently I was posed with these questions when reading about self-efficacy in my nutrition class. Self-efficacy is our perception of our ability to have power over our lives and behaviors. My nutrition book argued that “a sense of positive self-efficacy is essential to attaining and then maintaining nutrition lifestyles for optimum health.” My initial thoughts were; well, of course, I have control over what happens in my life. I can make decisions about my health and what happens in it. I can choose how I react to situations. And then I thought of Erika, diagnosed with stage 4 HER2+ breast cancer at age 25. When the doctors told her this news, did she feel a sense of self-efficacy? That she was in control of her circumstances? 

In these terms, self-efficacy can be a hard concept to wrap my head around. On the one hand, I think life is all about how we respond to stimuli, but on the other hand, I believe life is all about how we make our decisions and choose to carry out our time. 

I would imagine, for someone initially diagnosed with cancer, self-efficacy can seem distant and out of reach. ‘I have no control over my health, I have no control over my diagnosis, and I can only do what the doctors tell me.”

However, Erika has shown me otherwise.

I don’t have cancer. In most regards, I am relatively healthy; I exercise, I try to make the right nutrition decisions based on my knowledge, and I have a sound support system of family and friends. In so many ways, I am fortunate. I don't have to wager getting onto a plane to go see people that I love against doing hardcore chemotherapy treatment and compromising my immune system. I don’t have to wager cutting all my hair off or letting it fall out in patches. At age 27, I don’t have to wager that. 

However, I have to wager how I spend each day and wake up in the morning, how I nourish myself physically and emotionally, mind, and body. Do I wake up with the belief that the morning is a vast open place to which endless opportunities and possibilities are available to me? I can choose to appreciate who I am, where I am, and who I am with or choose to be distant, and dreaming of what life could be had things only happened to me differently. And isn't that what self-efficacy is all about? Having the belief that no matter my circumstances, I have the choice and the power and the openness to live with an attitude of hope and love and not of fear - that I can appreciate the mysteries, struggles, and circumstances of my life because no one is going to have the same experience I have. No one. Not one person. And there’s comfort and encouragement in that. 

Especially now, when it feels like all the world is motivated by fear, we can CHOOSE love. We can choose to spread love, bloom kindness, and practice gratitude to people who think differently than us. Remember that people are doing the best with what they have. They are working towards self-efficacy the best way they know-how. And sometimes you just need a little boost to get there. 

So thank you, Erika, for being that for me and so many countless others. A strong, sassy, and witty spirit who has proven that just because you have cancer doesn’t mean you're no longer in control of your life; it doesn’t mean you can’t have fun, and it sure as heck doesn’t mean you can’t start a nonprofit foundation during intense brain radiation that benefits and supports other people with breast cancer and continue to run it like a boss. You are the epitome of what it means to ‘Keep Blooming.’

All my love,

Tobie